TRIGGER WARNING: Some of the topics discussed in this article are deeply disturbing, and may be triggering to many, especially domestic violence survivors. If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please check out this link for help https://www.thehotline.org.
Did you know, that there are still states in the United States that allow child marriages? Meaning, states that either don’t have a minimum marriage age requirement, or states that allow someone younger than 18 to be married with parental consent and/or a judge’s permission. That means technically in certain states a 12 year old can get married.
I recently watched a documentary that has been trending in the top ten in the country on Netflix: Keep Sweet, Pray, and Obey. I must say that I am deeply disturbed after watching it. It’s been almost a week since I watched it, and I still can’t sleep properly at night. I realize that child marriages are not an uncommon phenomenon in many parts of the world, and have been going on for quite some time now. Especially in the South Asian community, during my grandparents time this was common. However in the documentary I learned that child marriages took place in states like Texas, Utah, and Arizona up till 2011, and still are occurring in certain states till this day. Some of these children were as young as 12-13 and were getting impregnanted by men that were at times four times their age. And it was considered completely “normal”. Meanwhile the men that were impregnating them had as many as 78 wives at a time. And as many as 60 children at a time. It was considered a pathway to heaven to have so many wives. The more wives and children you had, the more God-like you were deemed.
Twelve year old children were raped by their ”husbands” at times in front of other wives as part of a religious ritual where they were chosen to witness “God-like activity“.
Women were brainwashed. Treated like cattle. Like a commodity. They were told to “keep sweet”, meaning, to always be submissive and obedient, to never question. To suppress all anger and emotions, and to always remain “sweet”. They were told that the outside world was wicked. That they are only safe in their compound, that they must obey the Prophet (their leader). That they must be obedient sister wives and sister mothers in order to receive salvation. Their lives were dictated by the Prophet. From a young age they were trained to tie their hair a certain way, to dress a certain way, to act a certain way. They were told that they are to be “turned in” to the Prophet at a certain age, at which time the Prophet will choose who they are to marry and when. Their education was controlled by the Prophet. Their textbooks and all curriculum was regulated by the Prophet. The only music they knew was the music they created. They were living in an isolated silo, unknown to what the world was outside of their prison.
Unfortunately, the regulation of women is not a new thing. Women have been controlled and treated like a commodity for quite some time. Women have been controlled for ages in all parts of the world. When looking at many religious doctrines, often the male is deemed as the “shepard“ of the house and the wife and children are his “flock”. Women must be obedient and submissive to their husbands, even if that means at the expense of being physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. Young children are denied education, especially women. Despite many religions setting guidelines for how women and men are supposed to dress, the dressing of women seems to be more regulated. How her behavior should or should not be, what roles she can or cannot take on in society. Whether it is to prevent them from voting, owning property, having an abortion, driving, holding office, etc. I could go on and on.
But this needs to change.
Of all places, often us proud Americans like to think that “this stuff doesn’t happen here”. That we are safe here. That men and women are equal here. That we stand for democracy and equality. Meanwhile there are still thousands of teenagers still being trafficked, and still thousands of women being brainwashed and forced to live in barbaric circumstances. The barbarianism is not just restricted to the eastern hemisphere, it is very much so homegrown in the western world as well.
Till this day, as I write this article, we are still fighting for a woman’s right to an abortion. Women still make less than men. Women are still considered bitches, emotional, sensitive, and bossy when they show their emotions. Versus men are considered as strong, compassionate, and leaders when demonstrating the same emotions. Women are still being sexualized, objectified, and touched and approached without their consent. Their voices are still being unheard, denied, and told that their abuse is non-existent or a complete lie. We still have a lot of work left to do.
But it would be unfair of me to end my rant on this note. Because I want to take a moment and acknowledge some of the wins that we have made. Even if they are only a few.
There are more women breaking into male dominated fields than ever before. Whether it is in politics, STEM fields, or top corporate positions. Women are fighting the good fight. They are infiltrating into all parts of society. In all shapes, colors, and forms. We are not taking ”No” for an answer anymore. We are pushing back. We are breaking the glass ceilings. We are embracing our so called flaws, our differences, our diversity, our inner beauty. We are healing from generational trauma, building ourselves, and our future empires. We are loving ourselves, and not waiting to be recognized and loved.
We know our worth now.
We know we are the change.
We are the future.